8. Grocery store shenanigans
It is more like you're waiting in the checkout lane and drop the basket with a gallon of milk on the foot of the guy behind you as if you've never understood the concept of carrying a basket. Then the milk explodes on him and when every lesson you've learned in politeness has taught you to say, "I'm so incredibly sorry" instead you smile like a crazed sociopath and mumble some pig-latin apology.
Well, that escalated quickly.
7. Forgetting someone's name
ExpectationsMe: Hey there, yeah it's good to see you again. Wait, so how do you spell your name again? I think I might have saved it wrong.
Dude: Yeah, it's M-I-C-A-H
RealityMe: When I tried saving your number last time I wasn't sure how to spell it.
Me: Oh, you know people have different spellings.
Dude: You know someone who spells David differently?
6. Being a very bad liar
I was late to work because well you see, I had to take my dog to the vet and there was a lot of traffic over here because a man hole exploded and I swear there was kids trying to break dance on pieces of cardboard. It could have been a music video, I'm not too sure. Then I was handing change to a homeless person as I was walking from my car and he turned out to be an undercover police officer so I was questioned for 10 minutes about the man holes and we ended up talking about the series finale of Dexter and I'm so sorry, do you want me to make you extra copies for this letter head?
5. Your dog desecrating your neighbors lawn
4. Your boyfriend asking you to stop eating on his bed
After he politely asks, I react the only way I can think of at the moment and tear up because I'm sensitive (and a Cancer sign) and because my Aunt Flow is visiting. Then he immediately apologizes and declares that crumbs really don't bother him... IF I'LL STOP OVERREACTING.
3. Driving "incidents"
"I'm sorry, I did not notice there was a bike lane."
"I thought you could drive faster in the fast lane. Oh, well yes I agree 25 over is a bit fast."
And yes, being "that girl" singing 90's pop hits at the red light. Ace of Base is still cool, my friends.
2. Compliment fails
"I love your ring. The little stones around the diamond really help make it look bigger."
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
She probably hates me. Forever.
1. Being the clumsiest person in the entire restaurant, ever.
Just the other day I was having dinner at the Downtown Aquarium restaurant in Houston when I tried to unravel my silverware from my napkin's death grip. My forks and knife flew off the table and landed on the floor at two waiters' feet. They looked at the floor, then to me, then back to the floor as if I just came out of rehab for lighting a house on fire. (Amanda Bynes is still relevant, right) And they hand me another set of utensils, thinking "Maybe we should just give her the plastic stuff we keep in the back."
Also, one time at Peter Piper's Pizza I dropped a whole cup of Coca Cola on myself and then walked through a family's group photo on my way to the restroom. I hope they saved that photo.